The Hawthornes
by CheerfulSensibility
Summary: Each member of the Hawthorne family reflects on the war and how it has affected them. Set five years after the end of Mockinjay.
1. Chapter 1: Gale

It was a miracle, really. That throughout so much death and destruction, we came through unscathed. We, the Hawthornes. My family. All five of us will live another day, a day free from the opression of Snow, the Capitol, and most importantly, the Hunger Games. We are all healthy, in fact even better than we were in District 12, thanks to the nourishment of District 13. Yes, we are unscathed.

At least, in body. What runs deeper are the scars on the heart, the ones that may never heal. The scars that won't let me go home to 12, where I will have to see Katniss everyday and see the doubt in her eyes when she looks at me. To know that she may never forgive me for my part in the war.

Do I wish I could take it back? If I had only shut my mouth during those strategy meetings. If I hadn't come up with the plan for the bombs. Maybe Prim would still be alive. And maybe...

But no, as much as I despise myself for it, as much as I regret the death, I cannot say that I would have done differently. It was war, and there was so much more at stake. We had to put personal matters aside, had to focus on the greater good. We won in the end, didn't we?

So why can't I go back to 12? Why can't I face those piercing gray eyes I loved so much? Weren't we best friends?

Yes. We were. But not any more. That bond was burned along with the Capitol children and rebel medics when the parachutes fell, nothing but ashes left of that friendship that I valued so deeply. Because what I did, even in the name of liberating Panem, was unforgivable.

And I know it.

Then there's him. Peeta. The one who I can't hate even though he's stolen Katniss from me. I say stolen...was she ever really mine to begin with? Didn't I push her straight into Peeta's arms? I guess I had always hoped that our history together would have a little more weight with her. It must not have meant much to her. From what I hear, she and Peeta are doing just fine.

She hasn't even tried to contact me. I know she calls her mother from time to time; Mrs. Everdeen still checks up on me once in a while, and gives me what scanty news she has of Katniss. I have her phone number. I have a phone. It would be so easy to lift the receiver and press the buttons, but every time I reach my hand out, I hesitate. And I know it wouldn't be of any use. Because if she wanted me, she would have called herself.

Beyond Katniss, my family is back in 12. My mother, Rory, Vick, and Posy. I haven't seen them since the war ended, since I moved to 2. Rory and Vick will be teens now. And Posy...what are they telling her about my absence? She's only a little girl, surely she misses her big brother. Wonders why he doesn't bring her little treats anymore, or isn't there to give her piggyback rides, or carry her up to bed. Because last time I saw them, Rory and Vick were definitely not strong enough to do that.

What kinds of things are Rory and Vick interested in? What are their dreams for the future? As a big brother, I should be there to help them, to encourage them. Rory wanted to learn to hunt, but I never had the chance to teach him. And now, will I ever?

My mother...just because the kids are older now doesn't mean that they're not still a handful to raise. She's only one woman, after all. I'm supposed to be helping her, the way we did in the old days, sharing the burden. But I'm not. I'm in District 2, which to them might as well be the moon. And why?

Because I'm too afraid of the judgement in her eyes. Because I can't face the fact that in one move I destroyed everything she held dear. Because I know she'll never forgive me.


	2. Chapter 2: Hazelle

I still do laundry to keep our family afloat, but with the boys working as well, we're doing all right. Things are finally looking up.

Our old house in the Seam was destroyed in the firebombing, but since the refugees came back the town has been booming. With all the carpentry work going on, there were plenty of jobs opening up for strong young men and Rory and Vick jumped at the chance. They work on the weekends and after school because I won't let them take any days off their education. It's still important.

Peeta gave us his home in the Victor's Village, since he moved in with Katniss. It's grander than anything we've ever had, and at first I was loath to accept it. But Peeta insisted, and so did Katniss. I guess what with her mother in District 4 and the tragedy with Prim, she needs familiar faces nearby. And who am I to deny her that?

The boys work and go to school. I do laundry. Posy, at nine, is in school as well now. Rory and Vick trade off turns taking her to the elementary school in the morning, but I pick her up in the afternoon. She's always bubbling with excitement at what she's learned, her backpack bursting with crafts and drawings to show me and hang up in her room. And I am happy as well, because my children are getting a real education, not just Capitol propaganda and mining information.

Yes, I am happy. But I could be just a tiny bit happier if one wish I had during the war would come true: That when everything was over, our family could be whole.

Gale hasn't come home since the end of the war. He went to 2, told me he had a job there. I let him go, because even though he's my son, he's a man now as well. And I have to let him go his own way sometime. He calls from time to time, but lately his calls have been getting less frequent. I think each time he just feels more pain about being away from home. The last call was six months ago. I'd call him, but I hate to remind him of what only hurts him. I used to ask him when he would come to visit, but now the only person who brings up that subject is Posy, who doesn't understand why Gale is still away.

I know, though. I see her almost every day, walking down the street, sitting on her porch, or tending to the primrose bushes that line her flowerbeds. Katniss is hurting as well. In the first year we were back there was a hollowness in her eyes that scared me. But she has Peeta to help her, while Gale is suffering alone, out of the reach of his family. I can't blame Katniss though, even if she is the one keeping my son away from District 12. Because I understand how potent grief can be when you've lost a loved one. And it wasn't her fault. I bring the kids over often. Young, smiling faces can work wonders, and they certainly help Katniss. She especially goes out of her way to play with Posy. Because she sees Prim in my little girl. So I let her.

Peeta keeps everybody in the Victor's Village well-stocked in baked goods. I'm still not sure what to make of Peeta. In public, to our faces, he has been nothing but courteous and pleasant. But like everybody else, I know that his mind is still broken. Maybe it's just my mothering instincts, but I worry for him as well. As if I didn't have enough children to take care of. I bring him and Katniss dinner once in a while, in addition to everything else. I tell them it's to repay them for the bread, but really it's an excuse for me to check on them. Because other than each other, who else do they have?

That's what's important. That we are all together, safe, and watching out for each other. And maybe one day Gale will come back. Maybe he'll even find new love. Anything, as long as he's happy. That's all I want.


	3. Chapter 3: Rory

I suppose I became head of the family after Gale didn't come home. At seventeen I'm older than he was when he started hunting, but I think he did a better job than I ever will.

There isnt much to do now that the war's over. I got a job to help bring in some cash, but that's about it. I just go to school, go to work. Food isn't a difficulty now, but sometimes we forget and fall into our old habits of rationing everything. Mom has to remind us that it's ok, that we can eat however much we want

I'm not sure what the future holds for me, but for now, we're managing, even if I don't have a lot of free time. Gale always said that it was better to be busy than be idle, so I try to be glad that I'm always busy. There's school to keep us well occupied, and work as well. School is almost a new experience for all of us, since we're not learning about coal everyday. This year in history we're studying the history of our ancestors from before the Dark Day, before Panem. It's all so incredible, sometimes I wonder I'd it's all just a magnificent story.

Work is a whole new world as well. I never really worked before the revolution, so the first night I went to bed after a day of construction all my muscles were groaning in agony. But when Gale was my age he was the strongest in his class. So I forces myself trough. And gradually, it got better. Work isn't exactly fun, but it's necessary, so Vick and I head out to the construction sites as soon as the last school bell rings.

Of course, Mom seems to forget a lot that I'm not a kid anymore. She still fusses over me like I'm 12 and I have to remind her that I'm 17 and almost ready to graduate. I guess I can't blame her for wanting to keep her kids close. But sometimes I feel like the war has only stifled us. I'm not saying I want the Hunger Games back. But right now, the new government is still rocky, the district is still mostly rubble, and nobody is sure about the future. People who worked their whole lives in the mines suddenly have nothing to do. Everybody has to start over from square one.

Gale would be ashamed of me if he knew I was thinking like that. No, he'd be ashamed that I thought like that and didn't do something to change our predicament.

Can I though? My brother was a revolutionary hero. What am I? I always looked up to him. I wanted to be like him. But now he's gone and suddenly I'm alone. And the funny thing is, part of me always wanted him to get out of the picture, just for a little bit, so I could see what it was like in the spotlight. But now that he's gone, that empty place is so intimidating.


	4. Chapter 4: Vick

We moved back to District 12 as soon as it was safe enough, about a month or two after the war ended. District 13 was great and all, but that first breath of fresh air made me want to go home more than ever. After breathing recycled air for almost a year, it was the best thing in the world. And to see trees was a miracle.

The entire hovercraft ride we were practically bouncing off the walls with excitement. We were going home! But when we landed, it was like we'd walked into a nightmare.

How could we have forgotten the destruction, the death caused by the firebombing? District 12 was little more than a field of ashes, cinders being blown into our eyes as we stared numbly at what had once been our home. Our house in the Seam had been completely destroyed, but we still stopped by to dig through the rubble and find a few treasures. A quilt my mother made, peppered with scorch marks from sparks, but otherwise unharmed. A bow that Gale had made for Rory. My school bag. Posy's favorite doll miraculously made it through completely intact.

If seeing the blackened remains of our home was a nightmare, walking through the streets was truly hell. I covered Posy's eyes so she wouldn't see the charred corpses that lay, decomposing, on the roadsides, many either curled up in despair or with an arm stretched out, as if calling for help that never came. I had to fight the gag reflex as we walked, shuddering to think who they had been. I had probably known them, but now...

Some of the town buildings had survived, and we lived in the old tailor's shop until Katniss and Peeta came back and offered us a house in the Victor's Village. At least there I could walk around and not worry about having to see the horrifying corpses that would give me nightmares.

Gale didn't come back. I figured he would, eventually, but as the years slipped by I slowly lost hope. I don't know whether or not to be mad at him, but it's so confusing. In the past, the family was always Gale's first priority. Everything he did was meant to help us in some way, but when the war ended, when we were finally free, he abandoned us?

Maybe "abandon" is too strong a word. But he still doesn't have an excuse for not even calling us. Not even one lousy postcard from District 2, which is where Mom said he was working. Would it kill him to contact us?

I miss him. He had a lot of plans for things we'd do together once the war was over. I was so excited. We both were. And Gale always kept his promises. So why won't he keep them now?


	5. Chapter 5: Posy

My birthday is coming up soon. Peeta is going to make a cake, pink because it's my favorite color. There's going to be candy too, and games.

I invited everybody in my class because Mommy said to, so nobody would feel left out. It's ok though, because I like everybody anyways. I'm so excited for everybody to see our new house. Except...

Nobody really talks about it, but it's still really sad. Our class is so small now. Only about half of us are still here. None of the grown-ups want to tell us why, but we know it's because of the bombs. One of the girls' parents died that day. It's stupid that nobody will talk about it. We all know. Didn't we run as fast as we could from the fire? Gale carried me because he was afraid I couldn't run fast enough.

Luckily, after we got to District 13 everything got better. There was a lot of good food there, and Rory said if it wasn't for the rationing I would have gotten fat as a pig. There was school, and I made friends with the District 13 kids. After a while I forgot 13 was only a temporary place to live. And before I knew it, we were going home to 12.

Some of the families from 13 left too. A few came to District 12 since it was so close, and we're teaching them about our district. Living above ground is so weird to them, but I'm glad they came so I can see my friends from 13 and my friends from 12 together. And now that the fence has been torn down, we all go into the woods together, where we play. There's a lot of arguing with the boys over which parts of the forest is girls-only or boys-only, but other than that it's all fun and games. When they make us leave we just go to the Meadow where there are lots of flowers growing and play there.

I'm really excited for the future. I think I want to be a doctor, like Primrose Everdeen wanted to be. Gale said that it's always important to help people in need, so I will. Mommy says I'll have to study hard, but I will, even if I don't like doing homework much. I can't get away with not doing it though. Vick checks every night to make sure. But he also helps me on the hard questions, so that's good.

I hope Gale calls me on my birthday. He called last year on mine, but not on Rory's. Mommy says he's very busy working, but Rory was still really sad. Maybe Gale will come visit! Wouldn't that be the best thing ever? I want him to see how big I am now. I want to give him a piece of my birthday cake. I want to play games with him. But mostly, I just want to give him a hug.


	6. Author's Note

Hey everybody! Thanks so much for reading this little story of mine. The idea just popped into my head and I decided to do it since I've always been very interested in Gale's family. Gale and Hazelle were the easiest to write while the kids were more difficult since they weren't mentioned much in the books. In my mind, Rory is outgoing and active like Gale, while Vick is the more sensitive one. Posy's just a cute little girl XD But they all must have been deeply affected by Gale not going back to 12, so I wanted to explore that idea. It was fun to write, and I hope you enjoyed it!


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